How leaders trip over their own Achilles heel - John Izzo

Many years ago, when I worked as the vice-president of a consulting company, staffers were discussing how a client was so competitive that it got in the way of his success. I casually mentioned how hard it was for me to understand that behaviour, since I was not very competitive myself.

How wrong I was. After the meeting, one colleague had the guts to tell me he hoped I really didn't believe that about myself. I was, he said, "the most competitive person" he knew. Furthermore, everyone considered me a "know-it-all" who would argue a point just to prove how smart I was. "Other than that," he quipped, "everybody loves you."

Amazingly, until he took me aside, I had no clue others saw me that way. Not only did it make me less well liked, but getting ideas from others was being hampered by my need to always be right. It limited my ability to perform at my leadership best.

Call it my Achilles heel: a behavioural weakness so powerful that, despite many other strengths, it could impede career success.

Everyone suffers from at least one such fatal flaw, a quality so annoying that, even as people seem to score success, it can sabotage possibilities of further promotion or stand in the way of forming the networks that help a career grow.

Anyone who wants to be a leader or aspires to that role needs to discover his or her Achilles heel, and take steps to overcome it.

The flaw can take many forms: an inability to listen effectively, a lack of showing appreciation, dismissing other people's opinions, being overly critical, having to be right all the time, tending to micromanage, blaming excessively or resorting to sarcasm.

Ironically, people often remain blissfully unaware of their Achilles heel even while all those around them are painfully aware of it. It may even be a regular topic of conversation among colleagues and subordinates, yet nobody will tell the one person who needs to know it.

How can otherwise smart and successful people be so unaware of such critical flaws?

One major reason is that we rarely see ourselves the way others see us. And the higher up we go, the less likely anyone is to point out our flaws. Employees and peers may feel it's too risky to confront a manager. They may also feel someone would not be open to such feedback, especially when the flaw is perceived to be so much a part of a person's identity.

What's more, many leaders never ask.

So how can you discover your Achilles heel? Simple: Don't delude yourself. Assume you have such a flaw, since most of us do. Then ask, and enlist the help of others in changing it.

To create an environment that will invite such feedback, tell people that you want it. State your awareness there are ways leaders behave that hamper their effectiveness - and say you want to be a more effective leader.

Here's a tip: It has been my experience that people are more likely to offer up constructive feedback if they are asked to provide both positive and negative comment.

So it's best to ask both what is working well, and what one thing you do that you could change to make the biggest difference.

Another tip: Be receptive to the reply. Don't debate or defend it. How you react to hearing about your Achilles heel can either shut down conversation or encourage it.

So rather than get defensive, be open. For example, if an employee tells you that you would be more effective if you were more consistent, don't respond with something like "I may appear inconsistent, but let me explain." Rather, ask for clarity: "Can you give me some examples of what you mean by inconsistent or can you help me with a recent example of when I acted this way?" Then ask for specifics about how you could act differently.

Here's a third tip: Humour helps. If people won't give you the goods directly, they'll often hint at it or give veiled feedback in the guise of jocularity.

One client, the chief executive officer of a health care company, learned about his Achilles heel through a jab at an office party. A peer offered up a toast to "the manager most able to cut you to greatness with his tongue."

The room burst into laughter. But the CEO caught the seriousness of the comment behind the humour and took the time later to ask about it. He learned that, while employees liked his high expectations and the way he coached, they felt his critical comments often left them feeling inadequate and unappreciated. That was his Achilles heel.

So what do you do once you've identified yours? It's time to try to change it.

Changing behaviour, especially habits built up over a lifetime, is never easy. But there are things you can do to help ease such a transition.

The first step is to let those around you know you are aware of your flaw, and want to make change.

Recently, I was working with a senior vice-president of branch banking for a large financial institution. Through formal feedback, he learned his tendency to micromanage was a real impediment. He then let his team know he was aware of the flaw, and wanted to learn how to micromanage less and trust more. He asked for help in better understanding his behaviour and requested they point out instances when he was overmanaging versus being helpful.

You can also reinforce for yourself your efforts to change. For instance, write down the change you want to make on a card and carry it with you. Jot it down on sticky notes that you place on your desk. Your messages might say something simple like: "Let people do their job" or "Don't argue just to prove you are right."

Then be conscientious about your efforts. The micromanager, for instance, decided that, every time he was tempted to ask someone about the status of a project, he would hold off for a few hours; every time, he was tempted to correct someone's work, he would ask himself first if what he was about to say was truly helpful. This made him catch his micromanaging behaviour before he acted on it.

It can also help to track and rate your progress. The micromanager committed himself to 30 days of trying to change. Every day during that month, he gave himself a grade on how well he had performed.

He found that both of these moves made a big difference in his daily behaviour. And the month-long commitment began to create a new habit.

It's also a good idea to make it fun for others. The micromanager invited his team to levy a fine of a dollar every time he slipped up, with the money going toward a team dinner. Even when he didn't agree, he went along.

Six months and $210 later, his team let him know that he was, as one employee said at the fine-funded dinner, "officially kicked out of the micro-man club."

The CEO with the biting tongue also made an effort to change. Over a year, he worked to balance positive feedback with constructive coaching, and was careful about the way he worded his criticisms.

A focus on this one behaviour paid off. Said one employee: "We used to dread hearing his feedback because he could tear you to pieces. Now, we all agree that fixing this one thing about his style turned him from being perceived as an ogre to being seen as a mentor."

One of the interesting things about your Achilles heel is that, once it's pointed out, it becomes painfully obvious. Over the few weeks after I was told about being a know-it-all, I started to notice how often I argued, how many times I would hardly listen to others' ideas because I was so eager to share my own, and how often I was talking just to prove how smart I was. I began to aggravate even myself.

So I went to those I worked with, let them know it was behaviour I wanted to change, and asked for help. I worked hard at not arguing a point just to prove I was right, on listening to the ideas of others, and on commenting on the value of their ideas..

I was able to change. And I realized that while being right might feel good at the moment, it wasn't serving my long-term interests. As a leader, I was much better off removing the poisoned arrow that had struck my heel.

Going toe to toe

Some people don't discover their Achilles heel until someone has the guts to tell them. Afraid to confront a boss or colleague about his or her flaws? Here are some tips:

Ask for permission. Try: "I have a lot of respect for you and have noticed some things I believe would make you more effective. Are you interested in hearing them?"

Balance negative with positive. Offer up at least three things you appreciate about the person before moving on to the flaw.

Frame feedback around future success. Few of us want to know our faults, but many want to know how to be more successful. So instead of telling someone he or she isn't a good listener, say, for example: "I think you would be more successful if you listened more to the ideas of others instead of debating."

Be sincere. Only offer up feedback if you honestly want to help. If that comes across, it's likely to get a better reception.

Be supportive. Say: "I believe you have good intentions and have great potential but I have noticed that your tendency to be critical often discourages others."

Give helpful examples and suggest alternatives. For example, say: "Sometimes people feel you don't trust them because you keep checking up with people. Perhaps you could set up regular meetings for updates and ask people to contact you in between if they need your help."